Embracing the Rainbow: Today it was for Me

Today I wept. Bawled my tired eyes out on the altar of God. A place I haven’t been in many years. Tears I’ve held back for just as long. I walked from the very last row to the front, alone,

and let it all go. It wasn’t a prayer of words. I didn’t have any. The song the worship team was singing said it all though...

“Draw me close to You. Never let me go. I lay it all down again to hear You say that I’m Your friend. You are my desire. No one else will do. ‘Cause nothing else can take Your place, to feel the warmth of Your embrace. Help me find the way. Bring me back to You. You’re all I want. You’re all I ever needed. Help me know You are near.” 

Driving home I was so exhausted I almost pulled over. My arm felt too heavy to steer anymore. But I continued to pray to let go of the weight of the worlds I had been carrying for others. Including my own. I can’t save them. I can’t save me. I’m not responsible for carrying all of the burdens. They were never mine. So, I gave them to the Only One who can. I got home and went back to bed. 

I woke up from a long nap and went to go pick up my daughter from my mom’s. She wanted to spend the night, so I visited a little then left to pick up my son from my in-laws. He wasn’t there. He had gone to church with his grandma. So, I left to go home. 

I’m zoned out listening to praise and worship and something catches my eye. It’s a rainbow. But it hasn’t rained. It’s 91 degrees and super sunny on this Texas summer day. Then it occurs to me. My tears flooded the altar this morning. A long overdue pouring out of my soul to my Savior. When I went back to my seat, He quickly answered a prayer I had been praying for weeks that no one knew except Him. I was struggling with feelings of rejection, not being lovable, and I wanted desperately to not have to be the strong one and just be held. He sent a beautiful woman named Joy to come sit with me and wrap her arms around me. Joy.... She said to me, “You were made for such a time as this…” Esther. The queen who knew that if she was rejected, she would be put to death. But was bold enough to rise up anyway. She not only saved her family, but a whole nation of people. I hear You, Lord. I see Your promise drawn in wonder across the sky. This one is for me. He never left me.